20 ways to manage an "Angry Bird" (Part one)

20 ways to manage an "Angry Bird"

 
*Photo courtesy by Mifrah Qaisar

Nowadays, most of the time parents concerning the emotion, behaviour, and well-being of their children from many perspectives including tantrums, anger, aggression and outburst. Sometimes parents are unable to manage, control or handle that behaviour, and the most important aspect is that while handling those issues, parents cause damage or harm then handle it appropriately. Today's blog is about discussing 20 healthy, positive and appropriate ways to manage anger, aggression, tantrums and outburst among children. Here you go

1. Identify your own ways to express irritability 

The first step towards managing the anger or tantrum of a child, it is needed to identify your own tendencies to express anger or irritability. Ask many questions to self, for instance:

• How do I express my anger?

• How do I react to an unpleasant situation?

• Do I shout, scream, yell, cry or moan?

• How much time I take to calm down?

• Am I be in my senses at that moment?

• How often do I show tantrums?

Once you get all answers, the next step is to compare your ways of expressing anger and your child's tantrums. You might find some similarities between you and your child and chances are that the child is learning from you or your partner. Children practice whatever they observe in their environment

2. Recognize triggers in your child 

For managing and handling outbursts, the most important aspect is that you recognize and closely identify triggers in your child. Triggers vary from child to child, situation to situation but it depends. Once you identify the trigger, it is indeed easy to manage. Triggers might be

• Child perception of injustice, or neglect from parents

• The child is being ignored or disregarded

• Sometimes, a child is frustrated, not being able to compete with the school assignment or not able to fulfill parents expectations

• The child is not sleeping well for any reason, or the bed is not enough comfortable for having a good night sleep

• Unrecognized problems that might be learning disability, emotional or behavioural issues or bullying or maybe abuse in case

• In few cases, child learn to express anger from cartoons or movies

• Or child learn that it is OK to express anger this way, learn from parents

3. Never and ever be on the same page or same boat

This is the critical aspect, whenever a child is expressing anger or being aggressive, as a parent you have to be calm down, do not react aggressively or never and ever be on the same page or same boat. Given the fact that normally, it takes 15 to 20 minutes for a child to calm down however if you react, the situation might worsen. Let the child ventilate that outburst. As a parent or guardian, you can try these strategies for managing your own emotional outbreak, for instance:

• Try deep breathing 

• Maintain eye contact

• Control your facial expression

• Try to use chew gum, it helps to control emotions

• Think something positive or try to understand the situation

• Practice positive affirmations, for instance, calm down, relax and relax

4. Validate feelings/emotions at the time of distress 

Neuroscience suggests that anger usually takes 15 to 20 minutes to subside. As a parent, try to validate the feelings and emotions of a child at the time of tantrums or outbreaks. You might be using the following "I statements" for validations, for instance:

• I understand that you are angry at this time

• I realize that you did not like the situation

• I know it is hard for you at this time or moment

• I recognize that it is inappropriate for anyone 

• I appreciate that your expressions let us think deeply

All of these statements have to be used wisely and appropriately in the situation. Your tone has to soft and relax. You can mix and match the ideas with the situation, it will certainly calm down the angry bird.  The child will realize that someone understands his or her feelings and emotions. Next, you can address or investigate that concern or issue appropriately 

5. Let them express feelings at that moment

Do not rush or hurry to correct/control them or suggest them anything. The child will not be able to understand anything at that moment. First, let them express emotions and listen to them consciously or mindfully. You will find many hints or red flags while listening to them. They might share those thoughts that could not be shared normally. This expression will ventilate their deep emotions and give you a better idea of how to manage them. Your child might be saying, for instance:

• You always do this to me (Give you an idea that you need to change your strategies)

• You always love youngest sister or brother (You need to justify your time for spending with each child)

• You do not listen to me (You need to focus on proper listening skills)

• You do not care about me (You need to show more affection and love )

Every single statement will remind you of something. Later on, you can request your child specifically what he or she requires from you, and in another way, you can figure it out by yourself

6. Listen, Listen, and Listen only

This is the most suitable strategy for any situation, just listen, listen and listen only. While hearing a child, closely pay attention to the content or wording or the situation child is communicating about. Listening not only assist you to better understand a child but also let the child realize that someone listening and understanding his or her feelings. This strategy is also helpful for an adult to calm down

7. Distract your child

This strategy is really helping for diverting angry bird attention to different things. While the child is arguing or yelling, you can ask different questions related to the conversation. These questions will distract your child for a moment. The most important appearance is your own temperament, mood, tone, and behavior

8. Magic of holding a hand or hug

Most of the time parents usually ignore the power of a physical touch while the child is in anger mode. It has a magical impact if you just hold hands or touch the shoulder or hug him or her. It will immediately provide support and comfort to the child, and also soothes emotions or help him or her to calm down

9. Wait for the cooling time 

Parents normally try to advise or instruct them how to behave but it is useless at that time. Please wait for the cooling time or let the child come into his or her senses. A child usually takes 15 to 20 minutes to get into senses. You have to wait and try the above-mentioned strategies, for instance, deep breathing, holding the hand of your child, listen appropriately and distract a child

10. Offer something for eating or drinking  

If you noticed that child is too high while in an angry tone, you can distract your child by offering a glass of water or juice or any other drink at that time. You can also offer chocolate or candy while properly listening to him or her. Once the child starts eating or drinking something, 5 senses would activate at that time, and connect the child with the present moment. This way a child would be grounded, for instance:

• The child will observe something, that will help to stimulate visual senses 

• Holding something for drinking or eating will help to activate touch senses

• The aroma or smell will help to activate the olfaction senses 

• While drinking or eating something will activate taste buds 

• The child will also be listening to something from parents that will activate temporal nerves

This way a child will be fully grounded and connected with reality (To be continued)

If you have any question or concern, please feel free to ask or comment below






*Mifrah Qaisar is a grade 7 student of VPMS and she drew this hand-made angry bird at my request for this blog. I really appreciate her contribution and adding value to this blog. Thank you Mifrah, I really appreciate your kind gesture