20 ways to manage an "Angry Bird" (part two)

 20 ways to manage an "Angry Bird"

Photo courtesy by Mifrah Qaisar

11. Always talk about positive occurrences: Whenever speak to your child, endeavour to focus or highlight the positive affairs or good memories, it will help to heighten pleasure, joy and satisfaction in their life. The child will likewise acquire to focus on the positive side of the situation instead of the negative affairs

12. Sports can help them to release anger: There are various sports for ventilating anger in the safest and secure mode and support a child to calm down, for instance, boxing, martial arts, football, soccer, karate, table tennis or any physical sports with hitting or punching tone

13. Don't let them watch violent content over social media: This is the most significant perspective of embodying anger tone. Radically, a spirit tuned in a way to get startled or hyper by watching violent content over a period of time. Unconsciously child learn and then try to resolve problems or easily get angry or reactive

14. Storytelling or faith teachings: This is an awesome strategy, storytelling. At bedtime teaches them stories with the theme of helping, managing, understanding and problem-solving. This way child will learn a variety of perspectives and build an understanding. Faith teaching is also great, no matter what faith you belong to. Every single faith in the world teaches us peace 

15. Avoid complaining, criticism and backbiting: This is the request for parents, please do not complain, criticize or back bitting your child. All three components are cause pf negative self-concept, low self-esteem and no confidence in your child and these children respond with anger or highly reactive, given the fact that they are empty inside. Empty souls produce sounds and confident souls communicate

16. Focus on strengths and abilities NOT disabilities: As a parent, try to focus on the positive traits, abilities, strengths and qualities in your child instead of highlighting disabilities. This conversation will help them boost confidence, self-esteem and improve communication among parents and a child

17.  Teaching them problem-solving strategies: This is the best gift parents can give to their children, teaching them problem-solving strategies instead of giving them directions or advice. The best approaches are storytelling, faith teaching, relaxation groups, discussion or give them the scenario or problems and ask them for the solution. Their mind will be tuned to focus on solutions and strategies instead of focusing on the problem. You may encounter spirits around you who argue about problems, not solutions

18. Teach them relaxing and calming strategies: Calming and relaxing strategies have many folds, it does not only benefit them to calm down but at the same time support them to be resilient, flexible and adaptable. These strategies can be discussed, taught and let them join classes. YouTube is a good option too, as various deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques and meditation are learnt easily. Strategies might be deep breathing, meditation, grounding technique, yoga, swimming, sketching, colouring or painting rocks

19. Do not repeat: Past is already passed. It is the best advice that whatever happened, it's done and over. Do not repeat it for any reason. Some parents habitually use that as a reference and this reference truly cause harm or suffering instead of calming a child

20. Get professional help: Still, you are unable to handle or manage angry birds or none of the strategies helped you then it's time to think about getting professional help. You might connect with a counsellor, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, family doctor or any social worker

If you have any question or concern, please feel free to ask or comment below

20 ways to manage an "Angry Bird" (Part one)

20 ways to manage an "Angry Bird"

 
*Photo courtesy by Mifrah Qaisar

Nowadays, most of the time parents concerning the emotion, behaviour, and well-being of their children from many perspectives including tantrums, anger, aggression and outburst. Sometimes parents are unable to manage, control or handle that behaviour, and the most important aspect is that while handling those issues, parents cause damage or harm then handle it appropriately. Today's blog is about discussing 20 healthy, positive and appropriate ways to manage anger, aggression, tantrums and outburst among children. Here you go

1. Identify your own ways to express irritability 

The first step towards managing the anger or tantrum of a child, it is needed to identify your own tendencies to express anger or irritability. Ask many questions to self, for instance:

• How do I express my anger?

• How do I react to an unpleasant situation?

• Do I shout, scream, yell, cry or moan?

• How much time I take to calm down?

• Am I be in my senses at that moment?

• How often do I show tantrums?

Once you get all answers, the next step is to compare your ways of expressing anger and your child's tantrums. You might find some similarities between you and your child and chances are that the child is learning from you or your partner. Children practice whatever they observe in their environment

2. Recognize triggers in your child 

For managing and handling outbursts, the most important aspect is that you recognize and closely identify triggers in your child. Triggers vary from child to child, situation to situation but it depends. Once you identify the trigger, it is indeed easy to manage. Triggers might be

• Child perception of injustice, or neglect from parents

• The child is being ignored or disregarded

• Sometimes, a child is frustrated, not being able to compete with the school assignment or not able to fulfill parents expectations

• The child is not sleeping well for any reason, or the bed is not enough comfortable for having a good night sleep

• Unrecognized problems that might be learning disability, emotional or behavioural issues or bullying or maybe abuse in case

• In few cases, child learn to express anger from cartoons or movies

• Or child learn that it is OK to express anger this way, learn from parents

3. Never and ever be on the same page or same boat

This is the critical aspect, whenever a child is expressing anger or being aggressive, as a parent you have to be calm down, do not react aggressively or never and ever be on the same page or same boat. Given the fact that normally, it takes 15 to 20 minutes for a child to calm down however if you react, the situation might worsen. Let the child ventilate that outburst. As a parent or guardian, you can try these strategies for managing your own emotional outbreak, for instance:

• Try deep breathing 

• Maintain eye contact

• Control your facial expression

• Try to use chew gum, it helps to control emotions

• Think something positive or try to understand the situation

• Practice positive affirmations, for instance, calm down, relax and relax

4. Validate feelings/emotions at the time of distress 

Neuroscience suggests that anger usually takes 15 to 20 minutes to subside. As a parent, try to validate the feelings and emotions of a child at the time of tantrums or outbreaks. You might be using the following "I statements" for validations, for instance:

• I understand that you are angry at this time

• I realize that you did not like the situation

• I know it is hard for you at this time or moment

• I recognize that it is inappropriate for anyone 

• I appreciate that your expressions let us think deeply

All of these statements have to be used wisely and appropriately in the situation. Your tone has to soft and relax. You can mix and match the ideas with the situation, it will certainly calm down the angry bird.  The child will realize that someone understands his or her feelings and emotions. Next, you can address or investigate that concern or issue appropriately 

5. Let them express feelings at that moment

Do not rush or hurry to correct/control them or suggest them anything. The child will not be able to understand anything at that moment. First, let them express emotions and listen to them consciously or mindfully. You will find many hints or red flags while listening to them. They might share those thoughts that could not be shared normally. This expression will ventilate their deep emotions and give you a better idea of how to manage them. Your child might be saying, for instance:

• You always do this to me (Give you an idea that you need to change your strategies)

• You always love youngest sister or brother (You need to justify your time for spending with each child)

• You do not listen to me (You need to focus on proper listening skills)

• You do not care about me (You need to show more affection and love )

Every single statement will remind you of something. Later on, you can request your child specifically what he or she requires from you, and in another way, you can figure it out by yourself

6. Listen, Listen, and Listen only

This is the most suitable strategy for any situation, just listen, listen and listen only. While hearing a child, closely pay attention to the content or wording or the situation child is communicating about. Listening not only assist you to better understand a child but also let the child realize that someone listening and understanding his or her feelings. This strategy is also helpful for an adult to calm down

7. Distract your child

This strategy is really helping for diverting angry bird attention to different things. While the child is arguing or yelling, you can ask different questions related to the conversation. These questions will distract your child for a moment. The most important appearance is your own temperament, mood, tone, and behavior

8. Magic of holding a hand or hug

Most of the time parents usually ignore the power of a physical touch while the child is in anger mode. It has a magical impact if you just hold hands or touch the shoulder or hug him or her. It will immediately provide support and comfort to the child, and also soothes emotions or help him or her to calm down

9. Wait for the cooling time 

Parents normally try to advise or instruct them how to behave but it is useless at that time. Please wait for the cooling time or let the child come into his or her senses. A child usually takes 15 to 20 minutes to get into senses. You have to wait and try the above-mentioned strategies, for instance, deep breathing, holding the hand of your child, listen appropriately and distract a child

10. Offer something for eating or drinking  

If you noticed that child is too high while in an angry tone, you can distract your child by offering a glass of water or juice or any other drink at that time. You can also offer chocolate or candy while properly listening to him or her. Once the child starts eating or drinking something, 5 senses would activate at that time, and connect the child with the present moment. This way a child would be grounded, for instance:

• The child will observe something, that will help to stimulate visual senses 

• Holding something for drinking or eating will help to activate touch senses

• The aroma or smell will help to activate the olfaction senses 

• While drinking or eating something will activate taste buds 

• The child will also be listening to something from parents that will activate temporal nerves

This way a child will be fully grounded and connected with reality (To be continued)

If you have any question or concern, please feel free to ask or comment below






*Mifrah Qaisar is a grade 7 student of VPMS and she drew this hand-made angry bird at my request for this blog. I really appreciate her contribution and adding value to this blog. Thank you Mifrah, I really appreciate your kind gesture

Rock is talking

 Step 1: 

Step 2:

Step 3:

Step 4:

Step 4:

Hello 2021 at this time of the COVID 19

               Photo courtesy by Ayesha Raees

10 functional resolutions for this year 

2020 was offbeat for everyone including children. Everything has evolved differently since this pandemic commenced. It has been challenging for parents to manage and take care of their children while physical restrictions are being practiced, wearing a mask and frequent hand washing. These are new norms for the society at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic. There are many pieces that have to be addressed mindfully at the start of 2021 for children. Here are some recommendations, for instance:

1. Focus on reading: At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, while children are staying at home because of the spread of novel coronavirus. It is time to concentrate on strengthening reading attitudes. Reading for children or reading with them is significantly linked with academic success. Reading itself manifests a variety of perspectives including broadening their imagination, vision, creativity, insight, learning new vocabulary, new concepts/ideas and problem-solving strategies. Focus on reading at this year of 2021 

2. Concentrate on writing skills: Writing skills are the code of academic success. Every parent desires their children academically successful. Focusing on writing skills has to be their commitment to the year 2021. The writing illustrates in many forms including, writing gratitude or sorry note, creative writing, journaling, dictation, cursive writing, or in the form of homework. Writing encourages children to translate ideas into a paper. Children will use their imagination, creativity, fabrication, usage of vocabulary, enhance sentence making, intensify eye and hand coordination, improve fine motor skills. magnify focus and concentration. Overall improve the personal, social, and academic performance of children. Keep writing and keep shining 

3. Teach them self care: At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic and spread of the novel coronavirus, educate your children about self-care. It is a life skill and benefits them to have a healthy life throughout their life span. You can have a conversation about self-care, or read a story with the description of self-care, or watch a movie with the self-care concept or let them read an article regarding the significance of self-care. All these strategies will support them to understand the self-care notion

4. Emotional care: Educate children, how to take care of emotions at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic. This pandemic affecting children's emotions negatively. Teach them deep breathing, gratitude, journaling, resiliency, yoga, meditation, activities that make them relax or soothes their emotions. There is no harm to seek professional guidance for the sake of emotional care if something bothering you as a parent

5. Physical care: Physical care is as necessary as emotional care. At this time of COVID 19, concentrate on eating nutritious food, walk, exercise, proper sleep, weather-appropriate clothing, and physical activities at this year 2021. Don't overlook to follow 2-meter social distance, wearing a mask and frequent hand washing are the basic recommendations of this year 2021

6. Start a new hobby: Encourage your child to commence a new hobby. It is always pleasant to try new ideas. This year 2021, try some rock painting, doodling, sketching, photography, recycling and anything that fascinate your child

7. Start learning a new language: This year 2021, let your child learn a new language, for instance, Chinese, French, Persian, Urdu, English, or Spanish. Free youtube videos are available for learning a new language. Duolingo is an app, free and easy to learn a variety of languages

8. Acquire new skills: Learning new skills help to stimulate the brain and improve its function. As a parent, you need to explore the interest of your child and then concentrate on learning. For learning new skills, you can follow youtube channels, or read a book related to the topic, follow a blog, take online classes, watch tutorials or contact someone who knows those skills. There are many ways to learn new skills at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic while having social distancing in practice

9. Focus on organizing life: This is the fundamental skill for the child to acquire at an early stage of life. The child may incorporate this skill later in their life, for instance, organizing desk, documents, home, and even their life. So make it 2021 resolution for concentrating on organizational skills at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic

10. Focus on promoting a healthy relationship with the child: While staying at home due to COVID 19 restrictions, and social distancing law is followed, so try to concentrate on developing a healthy relationship with your child and family members. It is highly recommended in 2021, you can follow some guidelines for improving relationship, for instance, focus on communication skills, respect your child, listen properly, and most notable perspective is that always address their emotional and physical requirements or needs on time

If you have any question or concern, please feel free to ask or comment below

Parenting is a journey....

 5 ways to bye-bye 2020

2020 was distinctive for everyone including children. It was spent differently, for instance, wearing a mask, following 2-meter physical distance and frequent hand washing were mandatory. The lockdown was encountered first time ever in history, and inconvenient for many people to pursue restrictions, and harder for children in many ways. There are 5 healthy ways for children to say bye-bye to 2020

1. Say goodbye to 2020: At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, people are stressed and want some happiness and joy. Say goodbye to 2020 with your family, prepare some feast, dressed up nicely and have some photos for officially saying goodbye. This way saying good, affect your feelings and emotions. Many things have to say goodbye to 2020 including habits, way of thinking and more importantly, teach your child that let it go and go

2. Reflect on 2020: Let your child reflect on 2020. Let the emotions and feelings vent, don't forget to validate their sentiments. At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic and end of this year, everyone needs to reflect on 2020. End of this year, the family sit together and reflect on 2020. Don't forget to support each other 

3. Gratitude for 2020: Don't forget to practice gratitude at the end of 2020 with your children. Appreciate and be thankful for whatever you have in your life. Make gratitude a ritual for your family. Children might be grateful for being healthy, having a roof over their head, having support from parents and many other things in their life. Children can write a gratitude note for their parents, siblings, teachers, friends, neighbours and for grandparents for their untiring effort and support

4. Coping strategies practiced in 2020: Let your child focus on the strategies, that helped better cope with the effect of the COVID 19 pandemic. Help them understand coping strategies and also let them realize those coping strategies would benefit 2021. For practical and functionality purposes, prepare a list of coping strategies that help them most and add something new for 2021. For instance, the list has 5 coping strategies, this time you can add 2 more and discuss them with your child. Let them practice

5. Resolutions for 2021: Help your child prepare some realistic resolutions for 2021. Resolutions or goals have to be SMART and realistic at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic. Resolutions will help them to focus on and influence their behaviour. At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, try to invest something in self-care including physical, and emotional care 

If you have any question or concern, please feel free to comment below

Parenting is a journey.....Winter holidays (part two)

How to spend holidays at this time of the COVID 19 Pandemic: Some fun-loving strategies to follow mindfully 

1. Meditation time: At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, meditation time is an essential requirement for better cope with the effect of the novel coronavirus. This pandemic not only affecting everyone physically but emotionally too. Meditation time for children, for instance, listening to meditation tune, yoga posture, deep breathing and mindfulness movements. Best timing for practicing, before sleeping and after wakening up in the morning and during the day if the child is not feeling relax or calm

2. Bubble bath: Throughout this holiday season, a bubble bath for a child is a classic idea to enjoy and soothes emotions. Bubble baths can be taken to the next level by adding some calming music, lit some candles and let the children enjoy. This type of bubble bath is soothing and pacifying, let them try it this holiday season

3. Practice gratitude: Gratitude is a natural antidepressant, given the fact that whenever mind shifts or look at the positive side, it releases chemicals that induce happiness, joy and elevate mood. Make it a routine with your child to practice gratitude. It can be practiced before having meals, during a walk, before sleeping and whenever having happy moments, just be grateful and appreciative. Let them write a gratitude note everyday, after spending some time, it will be their habit

4. See older photos and videos: A glimpse of older photos and videos always induce pleasure and happiness. This holiday season, revisiting pictures, photographs, and videos will benefit children to reconnect with the stunning junctures of their life

5. A word of the day exercise: As a mental health practitioner, I would highly recommend a word of the day activity. A word is selected for the day and request children to describe its significance and usage. You can help them to understand it's worth and knowledge. For instance, ACCEPTANCE is the word of the day and let your children interpret, describe and make a sense of it. Here is the tricky part: during the day from time to time, you can describe acceptance, how it affects our relationship, and make our life easy if we accept each other, let them write a note about acceptance. For younger children, let them memorize the spelling. Words can be used for this activity at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, respect, care, values, kindness, health, resiliency, sympathy, civilization, community, compassion, happiness, satisfaction, siblings, parents and value of a home. You can choose a word according to your culture, values and requirements. It will help a child to better understand and practice values

6. Talk to them about physical and emotional health: This pandemic is not only affecting our mental and physical health but affecting our children's emotional health. At this time of the holiday season, you can discuss dimensions connected to physical and emotional wellbeing. Let them read an article about self care etc

7. Watch motivational videos or listen to a podcast: This holiday season, particularly this time, everything has changed and encountered differently. Watching motivational videos or listening to a podcast, is another way to keep morale intensified at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic. Podcast and videos positively impact children's mood and attitude

8. Virtual tours/shows: At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, all facilities are terminated but allowing free virtual journeys for the public. Nowadays the Royal Ontario Museum, Toronto Zoo, Ripley Aquarium and Art Gallary of Ontario allow free virtual tours. let your child explore facilities and enjoy virtually

9. Winter recreational activities: Winter is truly a fun time at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic while staying at home. Weather indicates that upcoming days are filled with snow, children can be taken for snow sliding, making snowman and snow balls to play with. Take your family outdoor while snowing, walk and enjoy mindfully. It's a calming and soothing workout, don't forget to capture these cherished moments

10. A long drive: Preparations are progressing well for welcome new year's eve but it is being celebrated differently at this time. Take your children for a long drive and show them all lighting at the end of 2020. I might be taken children Niagra falls for a long drive 

11. Virtual party with friends: Let your children have a virtual gathering during this holiday season. Children will be connecting via zoom or WhatsApp video call. Let them follow a theme for food, clothing, or wearing a costume. It will be a fun activity for children 

12. Talk to grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins: This holiday season, while restrictions are imposed, children can not visit their grandparents or meet their cousins. Video or audio call is a wonderful approach to connect with the loved one, here or back home

If you have any question or concern, please feel free to comment below

Parenting is a journey.....Winter holidays (part one)

How to spend holidays at this time of the COVID 19 Pandemic: some fun-loving strategies to follow mindfully

At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, holidays are around the corner and spend differently than before. As a mental health practitioner and a parenting coach, I want to share some fun-loving, helpful and important approaches to pursue mindfully. As a mom of three children, I planned some activities that are already outlined and discussed with my children. You might get inspired by some of the concepts

1. Structure and prepare in advance for each day: It is an excellent approach to plan each day. It will help you to organize a day, once you commencing this holiday season. While outlining, you can ask your children to add ventures for the day that fascinate them. It's easy to open a planner and follow recorded activities. It will convey enthusiasm, pleasure and satisfaction to their life. At the end of the day, children could tick ✔ activities that already performed, it will convey a sense of accomplishment to them

2. Get prepared/ready and welcome each day: This season, while staying at home, after having breakfast, dress up appropriately, do hairstyling and get ready to embrace each day (not in pyjamas or night suits). It might be communicating a sense of readiness, transition, and will bring a desire to accomplish something. It has a positive influence on your emotional health 

3. A daily trek and snapshot of nature: Walk has to pursue religiously, throughout this holiday season at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, youngsters will be moving with you for a trek and you can add some adventure for them to let them carry their cameras to capture stunning trek and field. Kids will be in the natural environment, connect with nature and spend some time outdoors while maintaining physical distancing and wearing a mask. It will have a positive impact on their physical and mental health

4. Watch a movie that has a moralistic message: There are a variety of movies that teaches valuable lessons and create a positive impression on their young minds. After watching a movie, they can write a reflection and you have a conversation regarding moral teaching in that movie. You can ask, for instance, what is the inspiration and messages are learnt? Movies could be watched during this holiday season, for instance, English winglish, Ramchand Pakistani, I am kalam, Chalk and duster, Hichki, baby day out, Stanely ka Dabba, The Lion King, Elf, Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory, Home alone, Our planet, Finding Nemo, The Bee, Mulan, and 3 idiots. All of these movies have a strong message and have a positive influence on children's well-being. Comment below, what are the movies you are going to watch with your family this holiday season? Your suggestions can help someone to find a good movie

5. Preparing favourite meals for them: This holiday season, at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, cooking delicious feasts for your family will be a yummy surprise for them. All of their favourite meals can be cooked or baked. Baking is a really fun and highly engaging activity for youngsters. You can find any recipe or video on YouTube, for instance, Chinese cuisine, Italian menu, Pakistani dishes, Russian courses, Hyderabadi meals, Fast Food and anything you imagine. This time soothes taste bud and eats nutritious food. Don't forget to consume fresh fruits and vegetables

6. Play board games every day, at least one: This holiday season is different, try to bring positivity and joy in the family environment and incorporate one game to play with your family daily. Games could be played with the family, for instance, liddo, Chinese checker, Cards, Puzzles and Kids' charades (the fun acting game). Playing these games provoke laughter, enjoyment, happiness at home and also strengthen family ties. What is your family's favourite game that plays together? Feel free to comment below as it might be a source of inspiration for someone

7. One country a day: At this time of the COVID 19 pandemic, I found one country a day activity highly entertaining and fascinating. Select a country and watch its historical and cultural documentary on YouTube or national geographic. Kids will learn a culture, food, currency, customs, geographic location and related information. Kids can track that country on a Google map and calculate its distance, and find neighbouring countries. This activity is free of cost and producing a long-lasting impression on youngsters mind

8. Reading time: This season has to be utilized wisely. You can request a child to read for you and then explain the given scenario. This way, a child will use imagination to explain the concept and on the other side, it will benefit them to develop their comprehension skills. My middle one is skilled at interpreting concepts and the youngest one a soft reader. I appreciate and enjoy both versions

9. Paint some rocks: This holiday season is distinct than before, I and the kids are going to paint rocks for my upcoming blogs and publications. we also plan to paint some emojis rocks, gratitude rocks, positive rocks, and compassion rocks. Painting rocks improve focus, concentration, eye-hand coordination, fine motor skills and releases stress and anxiety symptoms. Same benefits could be achieved through painting, doodling, sketching and drawing. I would recommend these activities for the holiday season at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic

10. Deep breathing competition: If you have more than one child, practice deep breathing competition, for instance, ask them to take a deep breath from their nose, hold it for a moment then blow out from mouth with a whooshy sound. Count their deep breath. Deep breathing stimulates them to release stress, tension, worry or relax/calm them down instantly at this time of the COVID 19 pandemic while staying at home during this holiday season

11. Help them to set their closet: You can teach them a variety of skills, while helping them to set their closet, for instance, how to organize/arrange garments, folding clothes, arrange in a sequence and maintaining a wardrobe. Keep supporting them, one day, you will be surprised 

12. Prepare donation box: Educate them on the significance of donation by preparing a donation box. Any gift items, clothing, books, stationaries, shoes, toys or anything extra or not in use. You can purchase some brand-new articles for donation and discuss their meaning with them (To be continued)

 If you have any question or concern, please feel free to ask or comment below